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Like a bug

Like a leech, guilt slowly weighs you down. It slowly drains everything you have to give. Like a hornet, shame follows you wherever you go. Shame casts a dark light that dampens any bright light. Before the storm your eyes were innocent. They could see the light in everything. After the storm our eyes tend to see the pain and sadness in each other.

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lets talk

Others talk to God, I look to my ancestors for guidance. Others hope for the best, I understand that what is meant to be will be. Others have faith, I take life one step at a time. Others wish and pray for things, I work hard for it. Others blame people or circumstances, I look at how I can make it work for me.

Life is too short to dream without setting goals. I’m no better than the next person but what sets me apart from the masses is my bounce back ability.

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I feel words

I feel words of love in the same way the mornings first suns rays heat my skin and send shivers down your spine. My entire body sings with an archaic joy as each piece of exposed skin is gently caressed into life by the almighty’s grace. Words spoken or written intricately weave themselves through protective walls of wisdom I have built around my heart. I feel words of anger, hate and rage like the scolding water that roars from the kettle that is thrown by a vengeful lovers hands like venom spat from a Cobra. Indiscriminate molten words fired at whoever is unfortunate enough to be passing by. Anyone is cable of being a container for my rage.

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Fossilized foot prints

I told a Lie and lived a Lie but paid the price twice. The ground I thought I gained wasn’t worth the pain and now I live in shame. My ugly truth is yours to see, my rotten roots are mine to keep. Seeping through the dirt is blood and agony alike. The saturated earth weeps blood stained tears from the broken hearted. Just like Those who have been betrayed and crushed, she builds a 10ft wall of “stay the fuck away from me!” That I cannot cross. Begging nor pleading will stop her heart bleeding so the bitter, blood stained earth on which I walk will forever show the path I took to shoot her down. The pain may subside but the memories will never fade! They will patiently lurk in her subconscious, waiting for her to drop her guard like the savage Hyenas in the wild.

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Am I alone in this

I am afraid to fall and not have the energy to get up but I fall anyway and still i rise. I care to much what others think and I hide behind bravado and act as if I am not affected by their judgements. I fear that people will see I am not interesting enough. I want to be smarter, more intelligent, better read, better listener, more politically aware, I wish I could dance, I wish the children didn’t get ill. I wish I could save children. I painfully want friends..to do things we have in common, watch movies, share memories, talk to, argue with, support and be supported by but I don’t want friends! in case they smile in my face just to get close and betray me, play me and ultimately hurt me. I wish I could trust more but I don’t care. I wish I could go back in time do better, I am afraid of not being enough, not doing enough, doing too much and getting taken advantage of. I am afraid of losing loved ones without letting them know who much they mean to me, I am afraid of not reaching my goals, im afraid of failing my children. I am afraid of losing you after all we have been through, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of being stuck in a life without growth, I AM AFRAID OF THE easy way out because it is usually a trap lol. I am afraid of my own judgement. With all that I fear, my life is a dream, it is to be experienced, challenged and fears are to me faced. Thoughts like these are what bridges the gap that society tells us is there to separate us. We all need the same things when it comes down to it. Words connect us. Just remember to touch, listen and selflessly support those around you. One love good vybz.

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You’ll miss me when I’m gone

I never stopped! Not even for a moment! My heart has created a space that could never be filled.

I never forgot! not even for a day! My mind flickers to a highlight real of memories.

I look to the stars and wonder which one you are. I’m wondering but I’ve never been lost. You were right when you said “only chocolate can save the day” I miss you now you’re gone, you always told me I would.

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Shards of hearts

Vivid pictures are painted with a person’s actions, their effects are more profound than scriptures, actions have a voice which speak louder than a speaker. Reduce the noise to avoid seduction. Actions show us who people really are, look through the frosted glass to see who truly cares for your heart! Once you still your mind and reconnect with yourself to peer through the misted glass of seductive words, you will see scheming demons aiming at your heart. As they shoot their shot the glass breaks around you. It’s too late to flinch, too late to think. Your soul freezes as you watch your heart shatter like the glass, Shards of hearts fall to the floor exposing your soul to a pain that is so raw it almost cripples you!

Do you drop to your knees in a desperate attempt to gather the shards and stop the inevitable pain or do you stand, naked for the world to see your inner workings! Sometimes you need to lose yourself to find yourself again. Sometimes death of a way of life births a new way of life. Sometimes building from the rubble of destruction serves you well when building from the ground up. Don’t let this world ruin you, use the pain to push you further, just keep doing you.

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whirlpool thoughts

I need to stop and still my mind before my ever turning thoughts swirl into a whirlpool of confusion where I sink to the bottom of a doubt filled lake. Wow this mind of mine is a powerful one! I just created a nightmare from a thought that I should have observed instead I got swept away and carried away until I was so lost I found myself in a hopeless place. Hopeless in the way that I know I am here but nowhere to be found, I’m neither up or down, in our out, here nor there. But I am. My thoughts bang loudly and echo back at me. I whisper to myself that everything will be okay, I can do this I can dig deeper and overcome myself, after all my only down fall will be if I give up on myself.

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Be open to feel

Let us rejoice in the variety of life. In all it has to offer and all we allow ourselves to be open to! Surf life’s waves and harness the wind. Be present in each and every moment and enjoy the journey. It’s not about the end goal or finish line, sometimes the journey is the reward. Invest in yourself!!! Show gratitude for all you have and the people around you. Stop and connect with the earth beneath your feet. Spread your arms on a windy day and close your eyes and just listen to the wind. Slow down when you eat, taste the food and allow its flavor touch you. This world is to be cherished and sustained for the future generations. Feel more, Listen more, Worry less, love more, let go of expectations, accept things and people for what and who they are, Grow at every opportunity, give when all you, PUT GOD/ the universe, the creator, the almighty, mother earth FIRST. Be grateful. Learn and evolve. I love you all, I want nothing but peace for you all. I am here for anyone that needs to talk, wants to discuss, feels alone or wants to celebrate something.

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Questions to a mother

Can I speak? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “as long as you have a voice to be heard”.
Can I love?  Is what I asked my mother, and she said “if you’re not looking for it and your heart is open to it”
Can I live? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “as long as God permits it”
Can I worship freely? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “yes you can, and don’t you let anyone tell you any different”
Is there life after death? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “son, you will just have to have faith”
Is there a God? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “look around you, take in all the beauty and that has been created, your answer is in the sky’s

I said this to my mother, “don’t you leave me in this world alone as i look to you for guidance and unconditional love. I look to you for inspiration and strength. I look to you when I can not see the way”
My mother turned to me and said, “son, all you seek, all that you desire, you will find in the hands of the Lord”