Questions to a mother

Can I speak? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “as long as you have a voice to be heard”.
Can I love?  Is what I asked my mother, and she said “if you’re not looking for it and your heart is open to it”
Can I live? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “as long as God permits it”
Can I worship freely? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “yes you can, and don’t you let anyone tell you any different”
Is there life after death? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “son, you will just have to have faith”
Is there a God? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “look around you, take in all the beauty and that has been created, your answer is in the sky’s

I said this to my mother, “don’t you leave me in this world alone as i look to you for guidance and unconditional love. I look to you for inspiration and strength. I look to you when I can not see the way”
My mother turned to me and said, “son, all you seek, all that you desire, you will find in the hands of the Lord”

Thoughts of a student #1

Thoughts of a student #1
I sat here for at least 15 minutes, struggling to find the correct words to put my thoughts on paper. In the end, it has landed as and how I first thought it….randomly. I wanted to write something that wasn’t a poem, song or a quote. For the past 5 nights I haven’t really slept, instead I have stayed up watching and listening to the night sounds and sights. Trying to take it all in and interpret my swirling thoughts. I guess this is more of a small confession of thought.
I am a 23 year old male, who has lived away from home since I was 14. I have made many mistakes and learnt many lessons, some of which were harsh but nonetheless important. I have achieved and failed, laughed and cried, worried and believed. Had relationships, been single, felt alone and depressed. Went from dead end job to the next, all the while telling myself “yeah Lex! You know what you are doing. You don’t need any help”. I was definitely living the mottos “wrong and strong”, “I got myself here so I’ll get myself out”. Only now, while on the path of recovery and enlightenment, can I see how truly lost I was. I am one of five brothers and sisters, the eldest boy I might point out. Everyday has been a fight with what I know and what I think I know, I never had the tools and knowledge to tell the difference until recently.
I have lived with fear for most of life. Not fear of anything in particular, just plain old ordinary fear! This kept me trapped in my mind as a living, walking prisoner of “what if”. I made up reasons why things would go wrong, that in its-self prevented me experiencing life to the fullest. Times of celebration turned to worrying if I saw another, peoples praise turned to me questioning how genuine the praise was. Fear of falling short of my own self proposed expectations. My automatic thoughts were always “what if?” “Why do they?” “She will leave me” “I’m not good enough” and pretty soon I was a personified paranoid state.
At that moment in my life, the love I held for my family astronomically dwarfed the love the love I showed myself. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of their love. I didn’t “love” myself, and wished most nights, before I went to sleep that I wouldn’t wake up. I wanted to “get better” and at first, it seemed like an achievable feat. But as time went by, the tasks seemed unattainable because of my lack of self- belief and trust in myself, therefore forebode me from trusting others. Even when I knew their intentions were of pure origins, I just didn’t let anybody close enough to me. The fear of getting hurt was greater than the possibility they would love me.
I suffer from diseases called “jealousy and insecurity syndrome” which has hindered me many a time in life. . I didn’t understand why I was loved. I have always wanted to know the “whys” to everything rather than just accepting and living my life. To my dismay and disappointment, time just kept on ticking. Irrespective of the countless times I prayed and wished for a time traveling machine, or for God to rewind time so I could re-live my childhood and change the things from the past I hadn’t forgiven myself for, the actions I was most ashamed of and the good people I’d hurt. Fear of letting go and forgiving one’s self. I still struggle with letting go and huge part of that is forgiveness, but it’s proving easier by the day.

Do not be afraid of anything. Even when tossing on a wave in a storm, you are still on the bosom of the ocean. Always hold on to the consciousness of God’s underlying presence, be of even mind, and say: “I am fearless; I am made of the substance of God. I am a spark of the Fire of Spirit. I am an atom of the cosmic flame. I am a cell of the vast universal body of the Father. ‘I and my Father are One’.”

Paramahansa Yogananda

Sun rise and sun set

Sun rise and sun set,

I live from day to night on one breath,

Sun rise and sun set

Your eyes grant me life from the sunrise’s crest,

Sun rise and sun set,

I live each day with you intensely because I am not promised the next,

Sun rise and sun set,

Is when the stars will cease burning to admire your soul radiate its love,

Sun rise and sun set,

Everlasting as they seem, the two shall not outlast our loves beam,

So I will give thanks and continue to love and respect you for all eternity

You and I

Tender moments, we share

Intimate encounters, we cherish

Those eye watering laughs, we remember

Sweet kisses, I look forward to them

Nighttime cuddles, I hold on to

Life’s hardships, we embrace and overcome

The blessings in life, we give thanks

Rare moments, we capture

Our elders, we respect

People who tresspass against us, we forgive

Charitable people, We admire

The memories of you, I hold on to

My heart forever searching for you

If you think

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
– C.W. Longenecker

Keep going

When things go wrong, as they sometime will
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a great person turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems far.
So stick in the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when thing seem worse,
That you must not quit.

Dear lord

Dear God,

I’d first off like to thank you for my life and all you have created.

I have found one of your angels and beloved daughters.

I love her Lord. I thank you for your blessings and for your most perfect creation.

I promise to keep her happy.

Lord i ask you to keep her safe when i cannot.

Protect her in her dealings father and fill her soul with your love and presence.

I thank you for allowing us to be ready for love by the time we met.

Thank you because with out her i’d be lost.

Bless everyone in our life and everyone we run into.

Forgive me father for i am a man and makes mistakes.

Watch over her and guide her through life

Lord shower her oppourtunities and love

If its to be, please guide me back to her and her to me

If its not to be please give her strength, wisdom, love and an open to heart to accept it all.

I humbly thank you.

When your too weak

When your too weak too proceed, open your eyes to see when life is too dark see your goals. Have faith where others don’t, hard work, belief and focus will see you achieve all you want, even if when it gets hard and the path becomes rocky, we will remain strong and together. Together we battle evil by never acknowledging it.

I’m soaring through the clouds above us with grace and direction. Wind blowing through my hair along, gliding alongside birds and aircraft’s, as we are intertwined in a primal dance of the sky’s which i can only perform in my realm. A parallel universe that i visit frequently. I come and go as i please but i never forget to thank my inner guide for his wisdom and love.

I no longer wear a mask around others to keep what is mine protected. Accepting love was hard for me to do because i didn’t feel like i deserved it. That has since changed as life is calmer, simpler and has lightened up the dark. Consistency is fully routed in my spiritual blue print so all is on the rise.

A little of my story

I was tired of stressing over my own thoughts, so inside my own thoughts and I were at war, tried of blaming others for what I haven’t got, go hard or go homes the motto i fell for,  and when my results were different I was left in shock,. If I knew what my mind could do when I was as young as you, I wouldn’t be the man that stands before you, so I thank the most high, for the dark times and bright lights, for his highest blessing which is life, for the nights I thought I couldn’t get by, for waking up the next day and that shit was behind. For the angel that he dropped so I could pick her up, more up than she ever has, been then I fell over and she picked me back, up giving love, taught me to create my own luck.

I was tired of battling through life without love, I may of acted hard but steel isn’t what I was made of, but she saw right through that, loved me for me I knew that, took me a while to see her love as a true fact, Wild animal by nature but then I changed, exchanged my anger for love and became tame, I told her my history was a little political, I gave her the poor me the story was typical, egotistical young dumb individual, tried to be a big man and get a name, got into trouble and they chased me and i couldn’t get away, so I had to answer for my sins and got locked away. 8 years on, On the verge of giving up, my beautiful lady came along and showed me love, told me to be me, that way I’ll be free.

For all those who want to love but don’t have the courage to have blind faith to be loved, love shall set you free because true love is truth and the truth shall you free see please give it a chance and remember you need to believe you deserve love and your worth it. Love is for everyone and anyone, love yourself then you can love another and know my happiness.

God bless.

A massive thank you to everyone.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart, i thank the poets, the topical writers, the lyricists, the general bloggers and the serious bloggers for your time visiting my blog and liking what i write. i’l do my best to get around all your blogs. ACW