Questions to a mother

Can I speak? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “as long as you have a voice to be heard”.
Can I love?  Is what I asked my mother, and she said “if you’re not looking for it and your heart is open to it”
Can I live? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “as long as God permits it”
Can I worship freely? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “yes you can, and don’t you let anyone tell you any different”
Is there life after death? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “son, you will just have to have faith”
Is there a God? Is what i asked my mother, and she said “look around you, take in all the beauty and that has been created, your answer is in the sky’s

I said this to my mother, “don’t you leave me in this world alone as i look to you for guidance and unconditional love. I look to you for inspiration and strength. I look to you when I can not see the way”
My mother turned to me and said, “son, all you seek, all that you desire, you will find in the hands of the Lord”

Thoughts of a student #1

Thoughts of a student #1
I sat here for at least 15 minutes, struggling to find the correct words to put my thoughts on paper. In the end, it has landed as and how I first thought it….randomly. I wanted to write something that wasn’t a poem, song or a quote. For the past 5 nights I haven’t really slept, instead I have stayed up watching and listening to the night sounds and sights. Trying to take it all in and interpret my swirling thoughts. I guess this is more of a small confession of thought.
I am a 23 year old male, who has lived away from home since I was 14. I have made many mistakes and learnt many lessons, some of which were harsh but nonetheless important. I have achieved and failed, laughed and cried, worried and believed. Had relationships, been single, felt alone and depressed. Went from dead end job to the next, all the while telling myself “yeah Lex! You know what you are doing. You don’t need any help”. I was definitely living the mottos “wrong and strong”, “I got myself here so I’ll get myself out”. Only now, while on the path of recovery and enlightenment, can I see how truly lost I was. I am one of five brothers and sisters, the eldest boy I might point out. Everyday has been a fight with what I know and what I think I know, I never had the tools and knowledge to tell the difference until recently.
I have lived with fear for most of life. Not fear of anything in particular, just plain old ordinary fear! This kept me trapped in my mind as a living, walking prisoner of “what if”. I made up reasons why things would go wrong, that in its-self prevented me experiencing life to the fullest. Times of celebration turned to worrying if I saw another, peoples praise turned to me questioning how genuine the praise was. Fear of falling short of my own self proposed expectations. My automatic thoughts were always “what if?” “Why do they?” “She will leave me” “I’m not good enough” and pretty soon I was a personified paranoid state.
At that moment in my life, the love I held for my family astronomically dwarfed the love the love I showed myself. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of their love. I didn’t “love” myself, and wished most nights, before I went to sleep that I wouldn’t wake up. I wanted to “get better” and at first, it seemed like an achievable feat. But as time went by, the tasks seemed unattainable because of my lack of self- belief and trust in myself, therefore forebode me from trusting others. Even when I knew their intentions were of pure origins, I just didn’t let anybody close enough to me. The fear of getting hurt was greater than the possibility they would love me.
I suffer from diseases called “jealousy and insecurity syndrome” which has hindered me many a time in life. . I didn’t understand why I was loved. I have always wanted to know the “whys” to everything rather than just accepting and living my life. To my dismay and disappointment, time just kept on ticking. Irrespective of the countless times I prayed and wished for a time traveling machine, or for God to rewind time so I could re-live my childhood and change the things from the past I hadn’t forgiven myself for, the actions I was most ashamed of and the good people I’d hurt. Fear of letting go and forgiving one’s self. I still struggle with letting go and huge part of that is forgiveness, but it’s proving easier by the day.

Do not be afraid of anything. Even when tossing on a wave in a storm, you are still on the bosom of the ocean. Always hold on to the consciousness of God’s underlying presence, be of even mind, and say: “I am fearless; I am made of the substance of God. I am a spark of the Fire of Spirit. I am an atom of the cosmic flame. I am a cell of the vast universal body of the Father. ‘I and my Father are One’.”

Paramahansa Yogananda

Psalm 2 vrs 1-12

1 Why do the nations conspire[a]
and the peoples plot in vain?
2 The kings of the earth rise up
and the rulers band together
against the Lord and against his anointed, saying,
3 “Let us break their chains
and throw off their shackles.”
4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
the Lord scoffs at them.
5 He rebukes them in his anger
and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
6 “I have installed my king
on Zion, my holy mountain. ”
7 I will proclaim the Lord’s decree:

He said to me, “You are my son;
today I have become your father.
8 Ask me,
and I will make the nations your inheritance,
the ends of the earth your possession.
9 You will break them with a rod of iron[b];
you will dash them to pieces like pottery. ”
10 Therefore, you kings, be wise;
be warned, you rulers of the earth.
11 Serve the Lord with fear
and celebrate his rule with trembling.
12 Kiss his son, or he will be angry
and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Psalm 1 vrs 1-6

Psalm 1

1  Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2  but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
4  Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
5  Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6  For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

Sun rise and sun set

Sun rise and sun set,

I live from day to night on one breath,

Sun rise and sun set

Your eyes grant me life from the sunrise’s crest,

Sun rise and sun set,

I live each day with you intensely because I am not promised the next,

Sun rise and sun set,

Is when the stars will cease burning to admire your soul radiate its love,

Sun rise and sun set,

Everlasting as they seem, the two shall not outlast our loves beam,

So I will give thanks and continue to love and respect you for all eternity

You and I

Tender moments, we share

Intimate encounters, we cherish

Those eye watering laughs, we remember

Sweet kisses, I look forward to them

Nighttime cuddles, I hold on to

Life’s hardships, we embrace and overcome

The blessings in life, we give thanks

Rare moments, we capture

Our elders, we respect

People who tresspass against us, we forgive

Charitable people, We admire

The memories of you, I hold on to

My heart forever searching for you

Striding

I am striding down the street with the wind raging past me. It is loud enough to deafen even the deaf. The cars that pass have their lights on full and that makes me look out into the starless sky of the city that never sleeps. I can’t see any stars because of all the lights posted approximate distances apart from each other exuding a bright orange light that leaves a orange haze in the air. No doubt this has happened as a direct reaction from all the fumes and strong winds.
I wonder where the drivers are going in such a hurry. I wonder to myself, in-between trying to make out a single star in the black blanket that reaches far and wide. Across many cities but luckily for its residents this only happens at night. Or at least they think so, as on a clear day in the city it can be quite beautiful if you just use your eyes to see, wait till you get home and blow you nose to find black filth on the white tissue. Time seems to miraculously speed up in the city, or at least the people living in it do. Everything is based on time likes it’s going to stop. Waiting for trains, waiting for food, waiting for the bathroom, waiting for buses, waiting for the time of the month, for people, for games, for church, for holidays, for birthdays and Christmas, for websites to load, for music to play, for djs, for films, for TV shows, to get home, to go out. The list could go on forever but my point is, we spend more time waiting than living.
Start to live with good intentions and live mindfully and strive for enlightenment and inner peace. Why deny your-self peace? The outside is there but you’re here and here is your soul that craves for that “void” to be filled. We fill it with ill-fitting things…sometimes we do this. This is just my opinion and I don’t wish to offend or preach. Peace and living mindfully in whatever you’re doing with your life can only be beneficial to you and close people to you.
We are instruments of our souls. Strum to your heart’s content. Listen to your own rhythm and you will allow yourself to connect with your soul and understand the true you. Feel your energy and follow your inner guide or “that tiny voice” you hear. Accept the love around you and use love as your force and energy. Live for the moment and live through love and not fear. Feel the freedom from your own limitations and fly freely.

If you think

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
– C.W. Longenecker

Keep going

When things go wrong, as they sometime will
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a great person turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems far.
So stick in the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when thing seem worse,
That you must not quit.

Quotes that helped me and keep me going.

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Faith has to do with things that are not seen, and hope with things that are not in hand.
– Saint Thomas Aquinas

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
– Proverbs 23:7

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared with what lies within us.
– Oliver Wendall Holmes

“Analyze thy life’s experiences,

see thy shortcomings, see thy virtues.

Minimize those faults, magnify and glorify thy virtues.”

–Edgar Cayce

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong.

Instead, focus on what to do next.

Spend your energies on moving forward

toward finding the answer.”

-Denis Waitley

I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

-Thomas Edison

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career.

I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times,

I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.

And that is why I succeed.

-Michael Jordan

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

– Lao Tzu